I wonder sometimes if is it possible to stay a single week without a crisis of any kind. This time I did ABSOLUTELY everything right. I took her out, I went to the restaurant she wanted, she enjoyed the stroll and we spent the whole day happy. Spent some time making the video for our friends that SHE put me up. Sure, all good, let’s do it. And I did it, and it’s all good.

Somehow, she still finds a way of having a crisis and the crying starts again. She did the laundry and she mixed some colored clothes with some white clothes and it stained some of her clothes (turns out it didn’t, but more on that later).

And still, SOMEHOW IT WAS MY FAULT! WTF?!?!?!?! It’s my fault that we agreed that she’d do the laundry and I’d make dinner and she messed up the laundry and it’s my fault, of course. She went on a rant about how I never do the laundry and she has to do as much laundry as possible so she mixed colored clothes with white clothes and it’s all my fault.

Honestly, I’m getting tired. Tired of feeling guilty for all her problems. If I’m so bad for her, why doesn’t she divorce me? I know why, she’s too scared of being alone. But I’m seriously starting to consider if staying married is the best course of action for us.

It’s getting to the point where it’s getting really complicated. To the point where everything that happens it’s my fault. And now she’s on this whole against the patriarchy phase, and it’s all the patriarchy’s fault.

Ah, btw, she didn’t check the water level, so the clothes did not wash.

And it’s all my fucking ass fault.

Maybe I should be alone, at the end of the day. But I’m afraid of how hard this would hit her, if we were to divorce, I mean. If she’s this fragile with me holding the fort for us, how can she ever be alone?

It’s also impressive how she finds the best moments for her random crisis. It’s always when I’m busy with something and then I have to stop everything I’m doing to “rescue” her. It’s tiring. Never having a single happy week is very tiring.

I really thought today was going to be a good day. I really did. Fuck.